thesylverlining:

giveitawideberth:

bdsmpetplay:

So I am one of the unfortunate souls who goes nonverbal whenever I get severely stressed out and/or self-loathing (because I think I screwed something up between me and my partner)

SO,

To help others out  who have possibly had this issue (or have a partner who have this issue), here’s some tips that might help you!

1. BE PATIENT! Give them time to formulate words. Give them time to ground themselves. Don’t get mad at them if it’s only a 1-5 word response, and/or they stutter. They are TRYING to speak to you, but their anxiety is preventing them.
   
2. Ask questions that will be simple “yes” or “no” answers. This requires precision with your words (for example: “ Do you want me to hug you? Do you want me to put a blanket around you?”).
3. Offer them a notepad with writing utensil. If they can’t speak for whatever reason, they might be able to write down what is on their mind. There are some applications out there that helps individuals who are nonverbal
4. Give them something cold to hold that has texture (such as an orange).This can help ground the individual and bring them back to reality.
5. After the incident, offer to talk about it in a safe, comfortable setting. Your partner might be able to better talk about the specific incident after the incident has taken place. They will have had time to process what had happened. 
6.  Take them out of the stressful environment. If there is something (or someone) in the room stressing them out, offer to remove it. Be specific with your questions. This might help them be able to form words again.

WOW YES

Oh, thank you! This is very, very helpful. This happens to me, far more often than I would like, particularly because I make a living writing. It just sucks. This post is already excellent, but let me just add/confirm/elaborate a couple things:

• Going nonverbal is one of the most frustrating things in the world, and we absolutely would love to come out of it, right now. You know the feeling of having a word on the tip of your tongue, but not, for the life of you, knowing exactly what it is and how to use it in a sentence, much less speak it? It’s like that, but with all words, ever. Combined sometimes with physical paralysis, and… whatever other extreme emotional/physical distress we’re already feeling. It’s terrifying and it sucks, and we really, really, really cannot just snap out of it, or make it go any faster. Believe me… nobody wants to more than us.
  
• Asking what we need is super important. Everyone’s needs are different. Some people need space. Some people need reassuring touch. Please don’t assume what one person needs will be the same for everyone else.
• A lot of different things can cause someone to go nonverbal. Stress/pain is a big one for me… but oddly, any kind of powerful emotion. Even good feelings can sort of knock me into that place. It’s a very strange thing, to be feel so deeply happy or moved that this is the result, but it does happen.
• You can go nonverbal with writing too. Which is particularly frustrating for me, because I communicate through IM/the internet a lot… it’s not just speech. I ‘lose words’ when typing too. Sometimes writing things down might not help entirely either. (Though I always have an easier time here; you might too.) Again, people are individuals.
• Like I said above, going nonverbal is frightening. I feel extremely fragile and easily disoriented and overwhelmed. Feeling judged, strange, or seen as incompetent makes me feel even more uncomfortable than the condition itself. And feeling this exposed, vulnerable and paralyzed can be embarrassing as hell. It’s frustrating, and I hate people seeing me like this.Please understand that your partner or friend might not want to talk about it, and will definitely not want anyone they don’t deeply trust to see them nonverbal either. If I trust you enough to even try to interact with you when I’m in this state… I trust you a great deal. Please don’t betray that. Keep us safe.

Thank you again for this. <3