modernday-siren:

neurotoxinsonline:

mymindsecho:

This isn’t realistic for adults. I’m sorry it’s just not.

Don’t fall into believing that, “if they’re a true friend they’ll drop everything and run to be by your side!” crap.

As a responsible adult there will be times that your friends are hurting and you won’t be able to go to them.

There are times that you will have to go to work, or take your sick kid to the doctor, or do many other things that will prevent you from being there for your friend.

When your friend calls you and they’re falling apart and it’s ten minutes until you have to leave for work, you’re not a bad friend for saying, “Look, I love you. I’m sorry this is happening, but I have to go. I’ll call you back tonight when the kids are asleep.” Or “I’m so sorry this is happening. I love you and I want to be here for you but I’ve got to get to work. I’ll call and check on you during my lunch.”

Adult life is hectic and busy with important things all the time and unfortunately it’s also full of shitty things happening to people we love.

Do your best to be there for the people you love and ask for support when you need it but be understanding when being a responsible adult comes before helping you.

The idea that people need to be there any time you need them is really damaging and unhealthy, too. You can’t place value on a person or a relationship based solely on whether or not they’re available, no questions asked, whenever you need them.

In addition to the above: sometimes, someone simply does not have the energy to help. Maybe they’re coming out of a rough patch themself, maybe they have been busy all day,maybe a chronic illness is flaring up. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not be able to be there.

Obviously, if someone is taking you for granted, and never seems to care how you’re doing, that’s an issue. But to write someone off because their life and your life didn’t line up quite right at a given point in time, or maybe even on more than one occasion, is not a healthy way to handle things.

This is exactly what I’m talking about. I have no issue being there for someone but my life and my mental health comes first. It will always come first. I used to drain myself trying to be there for others while I was struggling with depression and self harm.

It took me a while to get over that “guilty” feeling of choosing myself when someone else was in need.